Happy 6th Birthday New Life!

Six years. This year seems to have the most weight attached to it. Actually, I think that will be how it is from here on out, just like marriage and life: it gets better as the years go on. Better as not just sunshine and rainbows but better in lightening strikes, broken air conditioners, and floods. I think it’s safe to say that the BAD has sometimes outweighed the GOOD in some of these years. We may have cried more Sunday’s after church than laughed, both happy tears and sad tears. Do you know our neighbors had bets going for how long we last here. I think David said to one of them "actually, is that bet still going, I might wanna get in on it?" In the early days I remember how we would pick landmark moments to spur us on when times were harder. Now we have so much stockpile on both sides of the scale that it is sometimes much harder than the earlier days of planting, but I have only ever seen my husband handle everything with grace.

All of those things aside, I am so proud of him! I get to see the countless hours he puts in. I get to see the literal blood, sweat and tears he puts into everything he does at New Life. I get to see the small victories and big ones. I get to see the way he pray SL for everyone here by name and I get to do it with him and my favorite is how he includes our son, Canaan in praying for everyone here as well. I am so proud of the atmosphere he has cultivated here over the past 6 years!

That atmosphere is largely in part to everyone who makes up New Life because David and I are not the church. WE are the church. I feel so blessed by everyone that is a part of new life. Every single one of them play their part here in one way or another. I honestly could not point my finger out in the crowd of them and say "they don’t pull their weight around here." That can’t be said of many churches. Each of them have grown so tremendously, and we all still have a ways to go. David and myself included.

Thank you all for putting up with us. We’re not perfect and if you’ve been here any amount of time you know that very well. We fail, we will disappoint you, and if we haven’t yet, it’s coming. Thank you for your grace towards us, we love you.

Happy Birthday New Life!

Here are a few of my favorite photos from the past six years!

1 in 8.

#nationalinfertilityawarenessweek

I am one in eight. 

1 in 8 couples are affected by infertility. 

thats 7.4 million men and women.

1/3 of infertility is attributed to the female partner.

1/3 of infertility is attributed to the male partner. 

and..

1/3 is caused by a combination of both.  

..not a single story of infertility is alike.

if you have read this blog over any length of time, or landed here to read our story that we shared a while ago, or know us in person, you are probably familiar with our version of infertility. 

our version of the story?  it might seem as though our struggles were small.  we did end up with a sweet little boy in two years, after all.  right?

leading up to our baby boy were two long, heartbreaking, and most of all confusing years of our lives.  

struggling with infertility is like going through the five stages of grief every single month.

you deny, bargain, get angry, cry, and accept. 

then you pick yourself up off and do it all over again.

after some time of struggle, tears, pokes, prods, tests, lab work, sonograms.. 

we had a diagnosis. 

PCOS.

another year goes by before we were physically ready to be able to try. 

we found ourselves in that first piece of the pie, female factor. 

it was two years and 7 months ago this week that we found out we were pregnant.

that one single positive outweighed all of the negative before it.

not a single story of infertility is alike.

do not be ashamed of this journey. do not let anyone belittle your feelings of defeat.  your feelings of loss.  your feelings of hopelessness.  don't let anyone try to tell your story for you.   

the upmost beauty of it all is that we are not alone.

I remember this very week last year, the year before, and even the year before that. this post has actually sat in the drafts folder for over a year because I fought with myself debating sharing this struggle as I watched so many do and I just couldn't bring myself to do it, maybe it was easier this year because we have our little one and maybe that makes me a little selfish. 

if you have shared your story, before overcoming the struggle, you are BRAVE and BOLD and I admire that more than ever. 

i teeter on being SUPER closed off or sharing too much(at least thats what my husband would say when he watches instastories of our dinner, ok, that’s that kind of stupidness I share.). I guess to cover up the sometimes ugly, sometimes heart breaking realities.

In recent months, years I have found so much beauty in sharing a community of openness, only because that's how I learn to grow and love through seeing others bare their hearts. Albeit it's not natural for me at all to let people in to the places I have closed off from even my own self. 

Like the idea of us currently struggling with this very thing. AGAIN. I hate it I push it to the darkest places of my mind and heart and pretend like I'm not going through this again, but I am, but we are. somehow it's even harder this time, when I felt like it would be easier, there are more emotions, like my heart that says "quit being so selfish you have a baby, a child, be grateful", and I am...but I guess thats another set of emotions for another day. 

If you know someone who is going through infertility or maybe it’s the girl in a small group who winces every time people start talking about their kids, reach out to her. Ask her if she wants to talk. If she doesn’t then leave it alone, and if she does love on her. Be sensitive friends, those wounds are deep.

Sister in waiting, don’t lose hope. Don’t give up. Don’t allow the enemy to steal all of your joy. Bring your pain to God, He can handle it, I promise. Don’t isolate yourself. Your friends want to love you through this, and if they don’t know how, show them. Be patient and don’t blame yourself. Lean into Jesus and allow His grace to do what it does.  Know I’m praying for you always.

(also I just deleted a horribly awkward photo that was right here that my husband snapped at one of or fertility appts, your welcome. somehow I thought it would give a small insight to the whole thing. NO. like I said somethings just get pushed back into the dark for me.

I'll share some other photos instead.)

The day we found out we were pregnant Halloween 2015

Pregnancy Announcement

First time we heard our sons heart beat.

DIY: Faux Brick Backsplash

Faux Brick Backsplash...this may have been one of my favorite projects to date! SO easy and makes such a huge different to any space! I've had several people ask me about how we've done this and then more recently how its held up, so he is it!

I taped just the ends of where we wanted to start and end the backsplash. The photos are not the greatest quality because when I did this project, I had a 9 month old and had to do everything after he went to bed at night! I just just a basic white paint from Behr, nothing fancy.

After that was the hardest part which was taping off the "brick" I used one inch thick tape, because that is what I had on hand. you can use what every you have. You don't have to use painters tape, I didn't. I liked this project because it didn't have to be perfect, no brick ever really looks the same.

This is what it looked liked all taped off.

After taping it off, in no rhyme or reason fashion I took joint compound and smeared it on over all of the entire surface about a half inch to an inch thick. After I starting doing this I thought "Oh no, I can't see the tape, how am I going to find all the tape to pull it all off." Once I started pulling it off it was all connected together and came off just fine.

Once you have the joint compound on the entire surface, start pulling your tape off. I did our whole area before taking the tape off but it wasn't starting to dry yet. You don't want to wait until it dries. This part is SUPER messy!!

After the compound had dried I painted over the whole area with the white paint to "seal" it.

This photo is before it dried after I had removed all the tape.

This is the kitchen today, and its held up perfect, the compound has never once chipped off. It has gotten some everyday marks on it like food and spills around the since area, but it has all wiped right off!

Canaan Jude:18 Months

it's been awhile since I've done an update on Canaan, actually a whole 6 months. this turkey is 18 months old now and he's gained a whole 6 months worth of sass.

I took Canaan for his 18 month well check up this past week- see also "best reality show episodes" between the screaming and the germs this mama was beat and I had help! Kudos to the mamas who do it alone-SUPER grateful for my hubby and the flexibility we both have with our jobs.

I got ZIP. NADA. pictures at the appointment, because I was sweating and also trying to assure everyone around that my child indeed was not being murdered.

our big growing boy is currently weighing in at 29 pounds and 12oz (98th%), and 30 in.. wearing 18-24 month clothes and size 5 diapers.

Canaan Jude

you are the sweetest of the sweet. you give the sweetest sugars on demand. infact after the debacle in the doctors office you were blowing kisses to every one on the way out.
but this month you discovered what fun pretend play is with all the christmas gifts, you make us all kinds of goodies and make us eat them for hours.

you are fiercely independent and I can find you in any room of the house helping yourself to whatever you can get into.

your absolute favorite game right now is "where's canaan?" our version of peek-a-boo.

you are way too sweet for words, jude-ee.

you have a way about you that brings a smile to our face (and everyone else’s, too!)

..even when you are getting reprimanded.  I wish I could justly describe it with words. 

your pursed lips, head tilt, eyebrows raised. kills me.

you've finally caught on to praying and those chubby fingers pushed together all but make us melt.

your all about the wiggles and Pete the Cat, we read "Payte da" multiple times a day and thanks to Amazon prime we can watch ONE episode.

SIDE NOTE: Amazon, if you do not release the next 12 episodes soon, I will personally come to you and push production on them. Signed, a mom who is tired of Pete making New Years resolutions.

..it seems like you pick up a word or two every other day.
you are so incredibly smart!

new consistent words at 18 months: mama, dada, payte da, pup pup, buh bye, ball, wiggle, shoe, hi, bye, more, done, “uh-oh”, yea, bubba, pap pap, up, down,

YOU LOVE: books & trains &even have went to the library a few times with gamma.

You rocked your FIRST & SECOND haircut & your about to need a THIRD!

while you aren’t putting sentences together, you understand everything we say 100%.
..that includes things I’ve never shown you or said to you, you get it.
blows me away.
..every time.

you continue to love to help mom and dad.

..THE biggest helper ever.

you absolutely love to feed and water the dogs.  

place the dog bowl.  open the dog food tub.  fill the cup. dump the cup.

REPEAT.. 

every morning.

every evening. 

Favorite Foods: mac and cheese, goldfish crackers, eggs, oatmeal, toast with peanut butter, chicken nuggets,  granola bars.. yogurt, milk.  yogurt yogurt yogurt..and milk, applesauce, PASTA, hulless popcorn, PB&J
all day long. water is another ‘fav’, well it has to be, we only give you water or milk, we haven't given you juice yet, we may never give it to you.

you also take after your mama on the sleep front:

you are a rockstar sleeper.

..even when you don’t feel well or are cutting teeth.

you typically nap nearly 3 hours during the day and sleep 13-14 hours at night.

I am thankful for the ‘happy’ you are about 97% of the time.
everyone always compliments how very happy you are..
because you just beam, boyfriend.

12-18 month photo dump