1 in 8.

#nationalinfertilityawarenessweek

I am one in eight. 

1 in 8 couples are affected by infertility. 

thats 7.4 million men and women.

1/3 of infertility is attributed to the female partner.

1/3 of infertility is attributed to the male partner. 

and..

1/3 is caused by a combination of both.  

..not a single story of infertility is alike.

if you have read this blog over any length of time, or landed here to read our story that we shared a while ago, or know us in person, you are probably familiar with our version of infertility. 

our version of the story?  it might seem as though our struggles were small.  we did end up with a sweet little boy in two years, after all.  right?

leading up to our baby boy were two long, heartbreaking, and most of all confusing years of our lives.  

struggling with infertility is like going through the five stages of grief every single month.

you deny, bargain, get angry, cry, and accept. 

then you pick yourself up off and do it all over again.

after some time of struggle, tears, pokes, prods, tests, lab work, sonograms.. 

we had a diagnosis. 

PCOS.

another year goes by before we were physically ready to be able to try. 

we found ourselves in that first piece of the pie, female factor. 

it was two years and 7 months ago this week that we found out we were pregnant.

that one single positive outweighed all of the negative before it.

not a single story of infertility is alike.

do not be ashamed of this journey. do not let anyone belittle your feelings of defeat.  your feelings of loss.  your feelings of hopelessness.  don't let anyone try to tell your story for you.   

the upmost beauty of it all is that we are not alone.

I remember this very week last year, the year before, and even the year before that. this post has actually sat in the drafts folder for over a year because I fought with myself debating sharing this struggle as I watched so many do and I just couldn't bring myself to do it, maybe it was easier this year because we have our little one and maybe that makes me a little selfish. 

if you have shared your story, before overcoming the struggle, you are BRAVE and BOLD and I admire that more than ever. 

i teeter on being SUPER closed off or sharing too much(at least thats what my husband would say when he watches instastories of our dinner, ok, that’s that kind of stupidness I share.). I guess to cover up the sometimes ugly, sometimes heart breaking realities.

In recent months, years I have found so much beauty in sharing a community of openness, only because that's how I learn to grow and love through seeing others bare their hearts. Albeit it's not natural for me at all to let people in to the places I have closed off from even my own self. 

Like the idea of us currently struggling with this very thing. AGAIN. I hate it I push it to the darkest places of my mind and heart and pretend like I'm not going through this again, but I am, but we are. somehow it's even harder this time, when I felt like it would be easier, there are more emotions, like my heart that says "quit being so selfish you have a baby, a child, be grateful", and I am...but I guess thats another set of emotions for another day. 

If you know someone who is going through infertility or maybe it’s the girl in a small group who winces every time people start talking about their kids, reach out to her. Ask her if she wants to talk. If she doesn’t then leave it alone, and if she does love on her. Be sensitive friends, those wounds are deep.

Sister in waiting, don’t lose hope. Don’t give up. Don’t allow the enemy to steal all of your joy. Bring your pain to God, He can handle it, I promise. Don’t isolate yourself. Your friends want to love you through this, and if they don’t know how, show them. Be patient and don’t blame yourself. Lean into Jesus and allow His grace to do what it does.  Know I’m praying for you always.

(also I just deleted a horribly awkward photo that was right here that my husband snapped at one of or fertility appts, your welcome. somehow I thought it would give a small insight to the whole thing. NO. like I said somethings just get pushed back into the dark for me.

I'll share some other photos instead.)

The day we found out we were pregnant Halloween 2015

Pregnancy Announcement

First time we heard our sons heart beat.

DIY: Faux Brick Backsplash

Faux Brick Backsplash...this may have been one of my favorite projects to date! SO easy and makes such a huge different to any space! I've had several people ask me about how we've done this and then more recently how its held up, so he is it!

I taped just the ends of where we wanted to start and end the backsplash. The photos are not the greatest quality because when I did this project, I had a 9 month old and had to do everything after he went to bed at night! I just just a basic white paint from Behr, nothing fancy.

After that was the hardest part which was taping off the "brick" I used one inch thick tape, because that is what I had on hand. you can use what every you have. You don't have to use painters tape, I didn't. I liked this project because it didn't have to be perfect, no brick ever really looks the same.

This is what it looked liked all taped off.

After taping it off, in no rhyme or reason fashion I took joint compound and smeared it on over all of the entire surface about a half inch to an inch thick. After I starting doing this I thought "Oh no, I can't see the tape, how am I going to find all the tape to pull it all off." Once I started pulling it off it was all connected together and came off just fine.

Once you have the joint compound on the entire surface, start pulling your tape off. I did our whole area before taking the tape off but it wasn't starting to dry yet. You don't want to wait until it dries. This part is SUPER messy!!

After the compound had dried I painted over the whole area with the white paint to "seal" it.

This photo is before it dried after I had removed all the tape.

This is the kitchen today, and its held up perfect, the compound has never once chipped off. It has gotten some everyday marks on it like food and spills around the since area, but it has all wiped right off!