raising the douthitts: 1 in 8.

#nationalinfertilityawarenessweek

I am one in eight.

1 in 8 couples are affected by infertility.

thats 7.4 million men and women.

1/3 of infertility is attributed to the female partner.

1/3 of infertility is attributed to the male partner.

and..

1/3 is caused by a combination of both.

..not a single story of infertility is alike.

if you have read this blog over any length of time, or landed here to read our story that we shared a while ago, or know us in person, you are probably familiar with our version of infertility.

our version of the story? it might seem as though our struggles were small. we did end up with a sweet little boy in two years, after all. right?

leading up to our baby boy were two long, heartbreaking, and most of all confusing years of our lives.

struggling with infertility is like going through the five stages of grief every single month.

you deny, bargain, get angry, cry, and accept.

then you pick yourself up off and do it all over again.

after some time of struggle, tears, pokes, prods, tests, lab work, sonograms..

we had a diagnosis.

PCOS.

another year goes by before we were physically ready to be able to try.

we found ourselves in that first piece of the pie, female factor.

it was two years and 7 months ago this week that we found out we were pregnant.

that one single positive outweighed all of the negative before it.

not a single story of infertility is alike.

do not be ashamed of this journey. do not let anyone belittle your feelings of defeat. your feelings of loss. your feelings of hopelessness. don't let anyone try to tell your story for you.

the upmost beauty of it all is that we are not alone.

I remember this very week last year, the year before, and even the year before that. this post has actually sat in the drafts folder for over a year because I fought with myself debating sharing this struggle as I watched so many do and I just couldn't bring myself to do it, maybe it was easier this year because we have our little one and maybe that makes me a little selfish.

if you have shared your story, before overcoming the struggle, you are BRAVE and BOLD and I admire that more than ever.

i teeter on being SUPER closed off or sharing too much(at least thats what my husband would say when he watches instastories of our dinner, ok, that’s that kind of stupidness I share.). I guess to cover up the sometimes ugly, sometimes heart breaking realities.

In recent months, years I have found so much beauty in sharing a community of openness, only because that's how I learn to grow and love through seeing others bare their hearts. Albeit it's not natural for me at all to let people in to the places I have closed off from even my own self.

Like the idea of us currently struggling with this very thing. AGAIN. I hate it I push it to the darkest places of my mind and heart and pretend like I'm not going through this again, but I am, but we are. somehow it's even harder this time, when I felt like it would be easier, there are more emotions, like my heart that says "quit being so selfish you have a baby, a child, be grateful", and I am...but I guess thats another set of emotions for another day.

If you know someone who is going through infertility or maybe it’s the girl in a small group who winces every time people start talking about their kids, reach out to her. Ask her if she wants to talk. If she doesn’t then leave it alone, and if she does love on her. Be sensitive friends, those wounds are deep.

Sister in waiting, don’t lose hope. Don’t give up. Don’t allow the enemy to steal all of your joy. Bring your pain to God, He can handle it, I promise. Don’t isolate yourself. Your friends want to love you through this, and if they don’t know how, show them. Be patient and don’t blame yourself. Lean into Jesus and allow His grace to do what it does. Know I’m praying for you always.

(also I just deleted a horribly awkward photo that was right here that my husband snapped at one of or fertility appts, your welcome. somehow I thought it would give a small insight to the whole thing. NO. like I said somethings just get pushed back into the dark for me.

I'll share some other photos instead.)